Hockey Widow Madness

Scott just returned from a 6 day trip. Where was he? Somewhere in western Canada where the time zone was 3 hours behind ours.  Where exactly? I have no idea.  I do know last night he was telling me he saw his friend Sean in Edmonton, so he must have been there for a short stint, but that would be all I know.  Oh, and I read on someone's FB page that her husband had dinner with Scott in British Columbia one night, so I guess he was there.  Wait?! Are BC and Edmonton the same place? Kidding! I know they are totally different states. Uh, I mean, provinces. Right?

While he was away, the boys were pretty great.  So why was it madness?  Just because. By day 4 and 5 of him being gone, I'm ready to lose my mind and just want a break. And I have to be honest.  That man does A LOT around here.  When he leaves, it becomes even more obvious what a terrific husband and father he is and how much we (I) depend on him.  (He doesn't read this blog all the time, so if you see him, don't tell him about the nice things I said.  He doesn't need to know.) I keep telling him that if he would just be a shitty father and husband, it would really make it all a lot easier when he travels.  He doesn't seem to want to take that route, though.

Besides the things he does around the house to help, I just want him back home. I get tired of watching tv at night and making funny jokes in my head and having to laugh at myself.  (Come to think of it, I have to do that when he's home, too, because for some reason, he doesn't find me as funny as I find myself. Odd, right? LIke my joke about BC and Edmonton above. Me - I think it's hilarious.  Him - not so much, I'd be willing to bet.)  I get tired of having to decide what's for dinner each night by myself. Really, I hate that.  Oh, man and one of the worst things is having to get out of my pajamas and put my contacts in by 8:30 to walk Cole out to the bus. I don't like being rushed like that in the morning. 

I joke because it keeps me sane - depending on whose definition of sanity you use.  But in all seriousness, the madness exists probably just in my head. I have a great life and am thankful that I am able to have this life.  I have purposely kept our life pretty simple in terms of activities and what we are involved in, so that when he is away, I can maintain sanity and just enjoy the boys without having to stress about where to be next and what we are supposed to be doing next.(Someday I hope to be a more "involved" person but right now I know my limits. I watch my friend Lacy, and am amazed and awed by everything she can do for her church, MOPS, and her friends with three girls ages 4 and under - whether her husband is home or traveling. I someday hope to be like her, but if I tried now, I'd reach the legal definition of insanity, no doubt. I used to think that sounded selfish, but now I realize it's not selfish, it's self-awareness of what I can do.)     

But really it comes down to the fact that life is just easier and more enjoyable when the person you want to share everything with is around each day. Everything runs more smoothly and things don't seem so business-like.  It feels like family. To quote a wise 7-year-old, "When Daddy is gone, it feels like one of the parts in my heart is missing and doesn't come back til he comes home."